i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
