the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
