I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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