the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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