Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
