I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
