i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
