if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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