Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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