why do cheetos always look like penises
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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