trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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