Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
