Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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