i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I am midnight drunk by noon
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
