You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
