I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
