I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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