in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
