why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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