i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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