I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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