after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Pooping to opera.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
