Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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