I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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