Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
