told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
pray to the hookup gods
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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