The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
