I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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