I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
this will be a night to untag.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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