ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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