so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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