I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
