At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
