the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
