I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
