Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
