NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
