fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Send help, water and tortillas.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
