There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
