had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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