I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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