nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
