is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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