I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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