bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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