im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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