I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
