Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
