oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
