there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
