Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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