Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
