Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize