You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
