you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
