As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
