I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
