Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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