Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
