so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
