The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
