Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
