as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
