Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
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I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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