Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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