being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
