I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
