I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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