Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
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it's great music for shaving your balls
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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