i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Randomize
