my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Drake has all the answers
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
