Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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