Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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