so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
