You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
