Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
sarcasm needs its own font
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
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