Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
