So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
