areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
