The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
