So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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