i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
