went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
